The world of dating can be a bit different for non-binary people than it is for cis or binary trans people (defined below). This guide covers Dating a Non-binary Person and Dating While Non-binary and can be used as a quick reference for your dating life, whether you’re non-binary yourself or cis and dating someone who is.

• Okcupid Transaction Failed
• Okcupid Trans Girls Pictures

First off: what is non-binary? And some very quick gender basics

Non-binary is a spectrum of gender identities that are not exclusively masculine or exclusively feminine—identities that are outside the gender binary.

Non-binary people may identify as having two or more genders (being bigender or trigender); having no gender (agender, nongendered, genderless, genderfree or neutrois); moving between genders or having a fluctuating gender identity (genderfluid); being third gender or other-gendered (a category that includes those who do not place a name to their gender). Another way to refer to a non-binary person is an “enby” (pronounced NB).

• A person whose gender identity differs from the sex the person had or was identified as having at birth. — Merriam-Webster. A trans man (sometimes trans-man or transman) is a female-to-male (FTM or F2M) transgender person who was assigned female at birth (AFAB/DFAB) but has a male gender identity.
• OkCupid's Match Questions are a great way to see who is open to dating trans and non-binary people. Try dating other trans and non-binary people. Many non-binary people have found more success and happiness dating each other than trying to get cis people to understand them.

This is where the conversation (This thread, in r/okcupid) should end, period.Trans shouldn't have to mention their transgenderedness on their profile or anywhere public, however for their safety and to be fair to their date - they should mention this before going out on a date with them - such as in a chat or on the phone. Find out how Trans women dating works and join mytransgendercupid today if you are looking for true love and happiness. My Transgender Cupid is a dating service created for Trans women and trans-oriented men who are looking for long-term and committed relationships. 100% free dating for our Transgender members. This is where the conversation (This thread, in r/okcupid) should end, period.Trans shouldn't have to mention their transgenderedness on their profile or anywhere public, however for their safety and to be fair to their date - they should mention this before going out on a date with them - such as in a chat or on the phone. It's safer for the transgendered person, in that they won't be put at.

Transgender or trans people are people do not identify at the gender they were assigned at birth. Non-binary falls under the trans umbrella. Not all people who are non-binary also call themselves trans, but many do.

Cisgender or cis means identifying as the gender you were assigned/ assumed to be at birth. AMAB/AFAB means assigned male at birth and assigned female at birth, respectively.

Dating a Non-binary Person

Society is very binary! From the time we are babies, we are surrounded by gendered clothing, toys, language, and ideology. As you get to know your non-binary partner, you may start to notice all the ways society sections things off as male or female, and how human behavior is expected to fall in line around this division.

As a cis person, you may have questions about dating a non-binary person, and what special considerations there are in doing so. Here are some best practices to employ when you begin getting to know a non-binary potential partner.

1. Ask your date their pronouns, and use gender-neutral pronouns like they/them until you know for sure. This will help your date feel validated and seen! Use ungendered terms like partner, sweetheart, or simply “the person I’m dating/seeing.”
2. Never ask for a non-binary person’s deadname. It is considered rude to inquire about the name someone was given by their parents if they go by a different name today. Call them by their chosen name. If they want to share their deadname someday, that’s their call to make.
3. Ask how they want to be introduced to others. In a heteronormative dating world, being your authentic, non-binary self can be invigorating, but it can also be a risk. Non-binary individuals are often targets of harassment, prejudice, and even violence. “They”-ing your non-binary partner to a friend or a stranger can be a coming out moment for them. Create a game plan with your partner before walking into a potentially unsafe situation.
   Your date may be out to their friends, family, workplace, some combination thereof or none of the above; context matters, so it’s important you know the right terms for the right situation. This includes which pronouns and name to use, but also, when the time comes, which term that describes your relationship. Ask your partner what they would like to be called (again, some options are: partner, the person I’m seeing/dating, or even sweetie or sweetheart if you’re feeling cute). Your non-binary person may be fine with--or even prefer--girlfriend or boyfriend; just make sure you ask instead of assuming!
4. Ask how you can help. Non-binary people often have specific preferences around behaviors related to or in opposition to their assigned genders. (For example, even if you are a cis woman, your non-binary partner may prefer that you be the one to initiate intimacy most of the time.)
   Let them know that if you ever make them feel insecure or like their gender identity is being erased, they should feel comfortable telling you so you can change your behavior. Don’t get defensive or upset-- simply listen, ask clarifying questions if you don’t understand, and promise to do better next time. Make yourself a safe person to give critical feedback to. This is a noble endeavor that will serve you in other areas of your life as well.
5. Ask them how they like to talk about their body. Many, though not all, non-binary people experience dysphoria as a result of their gender identity. Dysphoria is a condition where a person experiences discomfort or distress because their gender identity does not match their sex assigned at birth. This can have different implications when it comes to being intimate.
   You may not be used a potential sex partner about this; most of the time, it’s assumed that everyone is comfortable with the usual terms that describe bodies and behavior. It’s a good exercise for you to think about your answers, too, to put it in perspective!
6. Don’t expect them to educate you on their non-binary experience. It’s natural to be curious! Just be aware that non-binary people often have to explain and justify their existence, so sometimes being asked to answer questions can feel like a burden.
   Appending “if you feel like talking about this” to your question about being non-binary can be a good way to show your person that you honor their time and energy.
7. Be prepared to educate others! Dating while non-binary, or dating a non-binary person, can awaken your senses to just how binary our world is. This can put stress on your relationship, some friends & family might start treating you differently, and you may get some awkward, or even transphobic, reactions while out in public. Walk beside your partner with confidence, and remember to be there for each other whenever needed. Read up on trans and non-binary people and the important issues that affect them, and be ready to be your person’s best ally.
8. Finally, truly see them as they are, not just the gender that makes the most “sense” based on their appearance. Also, you or your partner’s gender can change throughout your lifetime. You may have even met your partner before they came out as non-binary. This can also mean that what you want in a relationship can change. Remember that change doesn’t make you or your partner’s wants, needs, and feelings any less valid. With any relationship, leaving room for change creates a healthy foundation.

For more tips on being an ally to non-binary and transgender people, check out the GLAAD website.

Dating While Non-binary

Existing outside the binary can be a challenge on the best of days, and when it comes to dating, things can easily become complicated or frustrating. Here are some tips to help you navigate the exciting world of dating while non-binary. This is not an exhaustive list, and suggestions are welcome.

1. Consider putting it in front and center of your profile. We all know that not everyone will necessarily read it, but being up front from the get-go can help avoid awkward conversations later on, as well as weed out the obvious bigots and chasers.
   If, for privacy or safety reasons, you’re trying to minimize the number of people who see that you’re not cis and thus don’t want to share this information with just anyone, that is totally legitimate. Try this next step instead.
2. Ask them directly about their views. Wait until after you’ve exchanged some messages and determined you want to keep pursuing it. Being worried about transphobia is a very real concern. Ask, “are you accepting of transgender individuals?” If they say no, then you’ve saved yourself a lot of unnecessary time and effort. “If not, then our conversation ends here.” Block them and move on.
3. Prioritize your comfort and communication. You don’t need to continue talking with someone who wants a “spirited debate” on anything to do with trans rights, even if they’re well-meaning. People who don’t understand why you’re not interested in that probably don’t deserve your time. Love yourself first; if someone is asking a lot of questions and demanding education from you, you’re not obligated to deliver the answers they seek.
4. Know yourself/ what you want. Figure out what you’re looking for, because many people you encounter may not know themselves as well as you know yourself. As a non-binary person, you’re accustomed to thinking deeply about gender, whereas cis people take their gender for granted.
   Having a clear picture of what your ideal relationship looks like will help you determine quickly whether someone is a good match for you.
5. Pick your battles. If a potential partner seems to be asking you questions in good faith, sometimes, it may worth educating them. They might be confused or ignorant at first, but they want to get to know and understand you. You can set the terms for this discussion by saying, “I’m happy to answer a few questions about this; just understand that I get questions like these a lot, so if at some point I run out of patience I’m going to refer you back to Google.”
6. Do what keeps you safe. Barring STI status, you do not owe a potential partner any information about yourself you deem to be too personal. Your safety comes first. Always remember that you don’t owe anyone anything. Dating while non-binary doesn’t automatically mean that you have to “come out” to anyone and everyone you decide to spend your time with. Dating on your own terms doesn’t mean that you have negative intent or are being “deceitful”. You should approach your partner about your gender identity when the time is right for you, not for them.
7. Don’t be afraid to turn someone down, and don’t be afraid to break up. Ending relationships can be messy and hard, but necessary as people change, and their wants and needs change along with them. You are just as worthy as a cis person of walking away from something that doesn’t feel right anymore.
   Many of us non-binary people fret sometimes about the dating pool being smaller for non-binary people (see the next point), and we may feel tempted to stay in relationships that no longer work out of the fear that we may never find someone else. Try to look at the bigger picture, though: do you want to invest in someone who isn’t right for you?
8. Expect some disappointment. A study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found more than 87 percent of people would not consider dating a transgender person at all. There are many demoralizing statistics about trans people, and this is just one of them. But, guess what? That means you just weeded out 87% of people you wouldn’t want to date anyway. OkCupid's Match Questions are a great way to see who is open to dating trans and non-binary people.
9. Try dating other trans and non-binary people. Many non-binary people have found more success and happiness dating each other than trying to get cis people to understand them. Not having to explain fundamental aspects of your experience of gender can be a huge relief from everyday life. The dating pool may be smaller, but what our community lacks in quantity we make up for in quality!
   OkCupid uses Match Questions to help you match on what matters. Here are some questions which you may find helpful:
   Would you date a transgender person?
   Should bathrooms be gender neutral?
   Are gender and sexuality labels important to you?
   Do you have any gay, bisexual, or transgender friends?

If you still need help, you can email a friendly human.

OkCupid was the first dating app to offer expanded gender and orientation options back in 2014. With 22 genders and 12 orientations to select from, we’re invested in making sure your profile reflects you.

Not sure what all of these mean? Read below, or to see descriptions from people in their own words, go to OkCupid.com/identity

Genders (22)

Agender

Agender is an identity under the nonbinary and transgender umbrellas. Agender individuals find that they have no gender identity, although some define this more as having a gender identity that is neutral.
— Nonbinary.org

Androgynous

Having the characteristics or nature of both male and female; neither specifically feminine nor masculine.
— Merriam-Webster

Bigender

A gender identity which can be literally translated as 'two genders' or 'double gender'. Bigender people experience exactly two gender identities, either simultaneously or varying between the two. These two gender identities could be male and female, but could also include non-binary identities.
— Gender Wiki

Cis Man and Cis Woman

Cisgender and cissexual (often abbreviated to simply cis) describe related types of gender identity where individuals' experiences of their own gender match the sex they were assigned at birth. The term cisgender is the opposite of the word transgender.
— Wikipedia

Genderfluid

Genderfluid individuals have different gender identities at different times. A genderfluid individual's gender identity could be multiple genders at once and then switch to none at all, or move between single gender identities, or some other combination therein.
— Nonbinary Wiki

Genderqueer

An umbrella term that refers both to non-normative gender identity and gender expression. The label may also be used by individuals wishing to identify as holding queer or non-normative gender without being any more specific about the nature of their gender.As an umbrella term, Genderqueer has a similar scope to nonbinary, with most nonbinary-identifying individuals also considering themselves genderqueer. However, the terms have different historical scopes and connotations. The word genderqueer was used at least ten years before nonbinary.

— Nonbinary Wiki

Gender Nonconforming

Behavior or gender expression by an individual that does not match masculine and feminine gender norms.
— Wikipedia

Hijra

In south Asian countries including India, Pakistan, and Bangladesh, the assigned male at birth and who have a feminine gender expression. This is a very ancient tradition of a nonbinary gender role (often called 'third gender').
— Nonbinary Wiki

Intersex

“Intersex” is a general term used for a variety of conditions in which a person is born with a reproductive or sexual anatomy that doesn’t seem to fit the typical definitions of female or male.
— Intersex Society of North America

Man

An adult male human being.
— Merriam-Webster

Non-binary

Nonbinary gender is an umbrella term covering any gender identity or expression that does not fit within the gender binary. The label may also be used by individuals wishing to identify as falling outside of the gender binary without being any more specific about the nature of their gender.
— Nonbinary.org

Pangender

Pangender (and/or Omnigender) is a non-binary gender experience which refers to a wide multiplicity of genders that can (or not) tend to the infinite (meaning that this experience can go beyond the current knowledge of genders). This experience can be either simultaneously or over time. The greek prefix “pan” refers to “everything” or “all”, therefore, pangender could mean “all genders”, however the genders of pangender people are limited to their own life experience.
— Nonbinary.org

Transfeminine

Transfeminine individuals were assigned male at birth but align more closely with the female side of the gender spectrum. A transfeminine individual may identify with many aspects of femininity but not describe themselves as 'a woman'
— Wikipedia

Transgender

A person whose gender identity differs from the sex the person had or was identified as having at birth.
— Merriam-Webster

Trans Man

A trans man (sometimes trans-man or transman) is a female-to-male (FTM or F2M) transgender person who was assigned female at birth (AFAB/DFAB) but has a male gender identity. The label of transgender man is not always interchangeable with that of transsexual man, although the two labels are often used in this way.
— Wikipedia

Transmasculine

Transmasculine is a term used to describe those who were assigned female at birth, but identify as more male than female. Transmasculine is often used as a catch-all term for all people assigned female at birth who identify as masculine of center, including trans men, but the adoption of the term as an identity is a matter of personal preference.
— Gender Wiki

Transsexual

A term referring to a person who does not identify with the sex they were assigned at birth and wishes, whether successful or not, to realign their gender and their sex through use of medical intervention.
— Transgender vs. Transsexual

Trans Woman

A trans woman (sometimes trans-woman or transwoman) is a transgender person who was assigned male at birth but has a female gender identity. The label of transgender woman is not always interchangeable with that of transsexual woman, although the two labels are often used in this way.
— Wikipedia

Two Spirit

Two Spirit is a culturally distinct gender that decribes Indigenous North Americans who fulfill one of many mixed gender roles found traditionally among many Native Americans and Canadian First Nations indigenous groups. The mixed gender roles encompassed by the term historically included wearing the clothing and performing the work associated with both men and women.
— Gender Wiki

Okcupid Transaction Failed

Woman

An adult female human being.
— Merriam-Webster

Orientations (20)

Asexual - And other points on the Ace Spectrum

A person who does not experience sexual attraction. Unlike celibacy, which is a choice, asexuality is a sexual orientation. Since asexuality is considered to be a spectrum we also have the following other orientations under the ace umbrella: Grayasexual (those who sometimes but not always experience sexual attraction), Demisexual (those who experience sexual attraction only after an emotional bond is formed), Reciprosexual (those who only experience sexual attraction when they know the other person is sexually attracted to them), Akiosexual (those whose sexual attraction to another fades if that attraction is reciprocated), and Aceflux (those whose sexual attraction varies over time). Please note that asexual people have the same emotional needs as everybody else and are just as capable of forming intimate relationships. Because of this, those identifying as ace will often separate their romantic and sexual orientations for clarity and say that they are heteroromantic asexuals, homoromantic asexuals, etc. Grayromantic, Demiromantic, Recipromantic, Akioromantic, and Aroflux are also among the romantic attractions experienced by asexual people.
— Asexuality.org

Bisexual

Sexually attracted not exclusively to people of one particular gender; attracted to both men and women.
— Oxford Dictionaries

Okcupid Trans Girls Pictures

Gay

Homosexual; Sexually attracted to someone who is the same sex.
— Merriam-Webster

Homoflexible

Predominantly homosexual but open to an occasional heterosexual encounter
— Merriam-Webster: New Words & Slang

Heteroflexible

Predominantly heterosexual but sometimes open to an occasional homosexual encounter.
— Merriam-Webster: New Words & Slang

Lesbian

A woman who is sexually attracted to other women. A woman who is a homosexual.
— Merriam-Webster

Pansexual

Not limited in sexual choice with regard to biological sex, gender, or gender identity.
— Oxford Dictionaries

Queer

An umbrella term for sexual and gender minorities who are not heterosexual and/or cisgender.
— Wikipedia

Questioning

The questioning of one's gender, sexual identity, sexual orientation, or all three is a process of exploration by people who may be unsure, still exploring, and concerned about applying a social label to themselves for various reasons. The letter “Q” is sometimes added to the end of the acronym LGBT (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender); the “Q” can refer to either queer or questioning. Many LGBT student groups and literature include questioning in their literature; in the case of gay–straight alliance groups they do so in part so students are not compelled to label themselves or choose a sexual identity.
— Wikipedia

Straight

Heterosexuality is romantic attraction, sexual attraction or sexual behavior between persons of opposite sex or gender. As a sexual orientation, heterosexuality is “an enduring pattern of emotional, romantic, and/or sexual attractions” to persons of the opposite sex; it “also refers to a person's sense of identity based on those attractions, related behaviors, and membership in a community of others who share those attractions.”
— Wikipedia

Removed Orientations (1)

Sapiosexual

After considerable negative feedback, we took the decision to remove 'Sapiosexual' as a gender orientation in 2019. For a good argument as to why we did this, see this article from Vice.

If you still need help, you can email a friendly human.